😬 🌊

It’s Halloween, time for silliness and fun. Archetypes again I am lost in the sea of pressure, fear, regret, shame, and guilt. Feeling the weight. Making it up as I go, trepidatious steps. I know once the conversations start I will find my ground, right now it’s all anticipatory. It’s nothing, and I don’t have to live here. Even if my neuropathways easily fire in that direction, I can reset. Teams of dedicated and skilled people are awesome. I am surrounded by them. I love all the letters. Know what I’m saying?

Coastal breezes swirling. One street is cold, the next warm- on a bike you feel it all. Definitely fall. A re-vamp of routines can have unintended effects, but with the right planning and communication, these can be minimized. Nothing to be afraid of, just move through it all. Socratic Seminars Keep showing up Trina Magna

Really just a change in routine, something different from the norm. A whole new world.  Take it in gently. Keep stock of your things. Quietly pursue the quiet and peace.

As in missed. Like you missed the bus. Like the dream I am finding myself driving the wrong way on the freeway, with nowhere to turn around. Obligations not met. Being an inconvenience, So far things are on time, but the day is windy and threatening. Mornings can be deceiving. Offshore winds are not the norm, things are topsy-turvy. Going to do some guitar cleanup soon, maybe  starting here Then set it  Up nicely

Courier large. New font. Does it mean something different? Overwhelm gets us lost, swirling, out of touch with self.  Slow down everyone you’re moving too fast. Better to do less. Stratocaster for $20 from a friend. 

 Time and energy. Attention to detail. Knowing what to pay attention to and what to let go of in that moment. Lots of calculations. Math. Always counting can become overwhelming.

Bullshitting as a way to see how people can handle themselves. To test them. I don’t usually like that, but the bus driver today wanted to mess with a bus rider, and wanted me to get in on it. The rider quickly got it and called us out. I just think it’s a clumsy way to interact, but to keep the bus driver thinking highly of me, I went along with it. Or at least to not think lower of me. Social prowess, sarcasm, bullshit. It’s annoying. Listened again up to 33:00 Patterns of life are cyclical. All different, yet the same- being more in the process. Moving from lack to being through desire. A choice, a consciousness. But too much too fast can stop the expansion, and things fold in on themselves, doing the same pattern over and over; in safety. Reaching out is scary.

The bus is late. Rare occasion. Then a switch, they called an audible on the bus- bus not marked but it is my bus. Stress at transportation. Always check your calendar, clarify overlaps. Emergencies arise when not calmly aware of upcoming events. Also with mechanical failures. It helps to be ready for emergencies. Prepared, as they say. Speaking of preparing:

Rules. Why have them? Internal locus of control. Why is it better than external? I asked ChatGPT and  here is the answer. It’s nice when unexpected time opens up. Enjoy that when it happens.  Busy day, with pockets of quiet time. It pays to be present, responding to what arises, then letting it go. Like when this happens:

It’s a foggy, cold day, but I’m sweating from riding my bike quickly to make it to the bus stop on time. In through the nose, out through the mouth is the goal, but the nose is too small a passageway for the amount of air I need. Lights turn red so I scan the scene and pretend I’m turning right, lying to the cars. Then I jaywalk behind them and continue on my original path. I make it on time with a few minutes to spare. The driver points out a stray dog. After looking at it for a minute, I say “Scary.” He mumbles something I can’t understand but I don’t clarify, I just sit down. People might not be in alignment with my thoughts, but I don’t like dogs. They keep going and don’t back down, I don’t want this to be a therapy session though. I have more observations to make. Mornings are slowing down as I get older. Also as I ease into the day, taking things as they come and not getting too worked up. What is creeping through the fog? What will I miss? What will be revealed?  Metal and ...

 I have compassion for people who are less fortunate than me, but today there is a lady trying to get on the bus who is being told that the drivers have noticed that she is starting to try to bring on more bags than normal, to the point of being too much. They’ll authorize allowing the driver to do this trip, but be aware in the future that the answer may be no. Disappointment takes over her body, head droops down. Our things. The stuff we carry and hold on to. What is important? What is necessary? We could categorize it all. We are driven to do, to have, to identify with. Avarice and hoarding. Why is she lugging around the luggage?🧳  What do I lug around? I I started listening to this The first 2 minutes have a lot of words I need to look up. Basically, it’s a mystery. Ontophenomenology for example.  Ukulele practice

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