Straighten up

Looking, staring. Gawking. It’s gotten me into trouble since I was 5. “Keep your eye on the grand old flag”.

Last night at a concert, a man put to words what he saw in my face. It was his way of keeping me in check, testing me to see where I was mentally. It made me reflect in that moment, what was I putting out there, communicating to the room? I readjusted, and after he was sure I was in check, he gave me a back pat and gave me some space.

Alternatively, he was not in fact trying to keep me in check, he was trying to vibe with me over something I didn’t want to acknowledge and vibe with him. So, I ignored him, and his second attempt to get my attention was ignored as well. Then, his back pat was a final fare thee well, have a good night, distant brother. I was in fact putting up a boundary on the outside, because I saw in him something I didn’t want to let out within myself. In that case, I was protecting myself, being true on the outside to my more idealized self.

What are the rules we need to follow when we are integrating with society? There are a lot. If you don’t do them right, someone puts you in check if you’re lucky. 

Getting reprimanded by a well-intentioned stranger is embarrassing though. Being embarrassed in public isn’t fun.

But if you can live in the open, authentically you, and also have approval of the people in the room, there is no embarrassment.

If the people in the room have no reprimands to give you, that doesn’t necessarily mean you are on the right track though. You might be in the wrong, but either nobody recognizes it, or is willing to attempt to correct you.

We need each other to learn from. We teach each other constantly. It just is embarrassing to behave in a way that doesn’t fit with the norms and expectations of the room. And when you are embarrassed in public, you experience the effect of the Grimacing Tide.